What they don't know
by Gero
Summary: what does each Teen Titan feel when they hide something from one another, a simple one shot into each Titans mind


A Funny thought for all of you out there….

Raven: Meditation brings enlightenment and higher knowledge to oneself, should she not thank beast boy as he helps her reach higher enlightenment by making her want to meditate, or show him how enlightening a pan can be when used in conjunction with one's head?

This is just a little note for each of the first five. Something of an idea I had while thinking of TNaF

Thanks to RabulaTasa's title, it's gotten the creative juices going, and this kind of came out as I was coming home from work. I'm also working on the next chapter for Time, Now and Forever, sorry it took me so long to figure out how I wanted it to go.

So now I present What They Don't Know…

She looked around, again afraid of being the hind end of a joke. They did not understand that she was afraid. As the Future leader of a race she had to be aggressive, she had to be able to commit and go into something with less than a full comprehension of things. That's why she was how she was. And it scared her to think her friends might joke behind her back. How would she know?

These people had emotions she had not seen before. They acted most strange. How she desperately wanted to understand them, but to understand him most. She did not understand his need to be guarded. He would not tell her. She could wait but… she did not wish to wait only to find he thought of her as one thinks of beast boy's jokes. She couldn't stand what it would feel like to be a mere humorous thought to her friends. But the day he kissed her she felt something completely new. It was like cold electricity inside and a fiery feeling across her skin. She believed that meant something. Perhaps she was more than a friend, or a simple jest. Perhaps her clothes were not suitable, would they joke about that? Or her skin, it was a tone that was not normally seen on this planet. She wanted to know about them, she wanted to figure them out, but most of all she wanted to make sure, without the slightest hint of doubt, that they cared. She had seen the proof, but did people not joke about their beloved pets? Was she to be a pet to them? Then it struck her exactly why beast boy feared collars, and why that alien capturing him had caused so much distress afterwards.

So for now she would hide her insecurities. After all it's not like her friends knew. She felt bad for not telling them, but… oh how did that earth saying go? Ah yes…

What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them…

He feared himself. That one day he wouldn't be victor anymore. The body was supposed to house the human spirit, but the only things left of his human body were half a brain, a heart, intestines, a spleen, some muscle tissue in his arms, some skin tissue and an eye. He knew for a fact how much mass it all held, he knew for a fact that none of it ever went unaccounted for, or taken for granted. Someday though, it would all be replaced. What then? Would his soul be in the metal shell he considered a body?

How much less human could he be until he was just that, not a human? This is what kept him up at night. He had researched it. He had looked across books, on the net, hell he had even panicked enough to check a few of ravens books one time when star fire had taken her to the store. If raven had known he traveled into her room she never said anything. He was afraid, hell he was damn scared. Had he already passed on? Was his spirit standing in heaven, or burning in hell? Was it waiting to be judged? Was he just a simple shadow, or what remained of the physical parts? This is what kept him up at night while he charged. The others hadn't known, perhaps raven knew something was going on, and robin kept wanting to know who was clearing all the private data on the computer, but other than that no one had a clue. They wondered why he didn't let them drive, or why he took so much care of his car. He had heard some outrageous rumors as well.

It was because the car was a part of him; it was an extension of him. It probably felt something to him like when raven changed beast boy into different animals. This was before Malchior flew his true colors. He had described it as the feeling of being a toy, nothing more then something to be controlled. A simple object used for amusement. Cyborg found something out about his little green friend that day. There was a lot more to the little guy. He had been working little by little out of him. In between the fights that let them express their friendship, maybe beast boy was a lot deeper than the others gave him credit for. But he wouldn't slip like BB did. Who would have thought his little green bean had mental issues... maybe he would have to talk to him about his own.

Hell… what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them…

He didn't know what tipped it off, but he had been counting his steps to breakfast. Some said obsession couldn't be taught, he had a hard time believing that. There used to be a time when he would fly through the air, and not fear falling. There was a time his fiery spirit had wooed girls and made men envy him. Then the Mask had come. His wasn't like Ravens; he wasn't pretending to be emotionless. His made him calculating. He had to know everything; he had to make sure his team was well guarded.

That's what leaders did, sure footed to the end, even if that last step was the drop off in hell. He wouldn't lead his team wrong. He would always make sure he did everything right. Otherwise he didn't deserve their loyalty. Perhaps that was his problem. Was he worried that he would lose their loyalty? Beast boy always seemed to be at odds with him but... he had always thought that was because of his animalistic side. So for now he decided to hide. He wouldn't let them see him up till the odd house in the morning. He had coffee, what else would he need? Fear and coffee were very effective ways of causing insomnia. Sometimes he would hear the others up too. Star Fire was sending a message to her home, Raven getting tea, Cyborg working on his car or Beast Boy pacing in his room. It never really made sense. But he hardly made sense to himself. He just wanted to be… a good leader. He wanted them to be proud to be led by him, and he wanted her to see he was worth it, worth following, worth helping, maybe one day he would… heh just maybe one day he would give her his heart, soul, and a ring. She seemed the only one who could help him when he needed it, the innocent voice of reason when he went overboard on a case. But he needed to sort things out before he could pursue a relationship… or lead the team as effectively as he wanted.

Well, what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them… and for a moment he wondered if they ever thought of the same thing for him… paranoia seemed to be joining coffee and fear tonight…

She meditated, and meditated and meditated. But no matter how much she did she couldn't get him off her mind. He was so frustrating sometimes. And every time he seemed to have some way to get out of it. His latest attempt had been talking to Cyborg about the quality of her meditation sinking, and Beast Boy being the one to blame. At first he said nothing, before grinning and simply stating that the amount of meditation wasn't important, not as much as the quality of it. He beat a hasty retreat when she asked him where he heard that.

'I'm not book-smart Rae, doesn't mean I'm stupid' he stated. He turned just before leaving and smirked. 'I just figured it's like sleep, three hours of sleep can be better than eight, if the eight hours is restless sleep.' It had left her dumbstruck. She turned to Cyborg slowly before walking out of the room. It was frustrating that he always had that almost-cocky grin, it was frustrating that he could bug her to no end and no matter how many times she would dunk him in the water outside the tower he wouldn't give up, but it was most frustrating that whenever she was at a loss for something he knew just what to say to get her to think. That in itself had scared her. She didn't know that a part of him exists that they didn't know about. It showed her she wasn't the only one hiding secrets. And now she meditated, trying to figure out if it was only Beast Boy who had hidden something. She wondered if that cold sensation in her chest was because of it, she felt almost betrayed that he didn't tell her, or anyone else for that matter. Was that how they felt when she didn't talk to them? She would figure it out; most likely on her own… then she might apologize, not say why, and just apologize. Maybe she was too cold to her friends.

Until she did ask for forgiveness the less they knew the better... what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

He was up again. The night wouldn't let him rest, yet again. He slowly sat up and thought about the day. Things had been different from what they usually were, Cyborg had been subdued. It took him half a meal to figure out beast boy had swapped it with tofu. He offered a bit of a growl, and got some 'real' food, but that had been that. Raven was almost always caught meditating. Cyborg asked her what was wrong and she told him her meditation hadn't been as effective as it usually was. That's when he slipped up. He let something deeper then he wanted get out. He had risked losing years of work on a simple statement.

He hoped it help her. She had almost realized… maybe she had seen what he had hidden. Oh well, there wasn't much he could do. If he acted more stupid then normal she would guess he was covering up, and if she tried paying attention... well... he would have to be careful. He had spent years protecting his friends from himself. A few idle words from the heart wouldn't ruin it. He wouldn't allow it. He had to hide what each transformation did to his mind. So he would cover it up, like always. Maybe getting outside help... someone who would take a lot of money and keep their mouth shut would be the best thing. Who knew? Other than that he had noticed other things, star fire had floated a little less high, and the team leader seemed slow and fast both at once. He knew that feeling, coffee and late nights. It explained the smell that drifted to his room every night. First tea, forty five minutes later, at exactly midnight every night random smells of cooked meat, an hour and a half after that coffee. Sometimes he would catch the sounds of them walking. And every single morning after the team hid away the evidence. They never let on that something kept them up.

And, for just a moment, he wondered if what the others didn't know would come to hurt them, as they were hurting themselves. Perhaps even if you didn't know about it, it could still hurt you…


End file.
